Delusions of perfection

Well, hasn't it been a long time since I was here?  I wont bore you all with the details, but it's been a pretty shitty year so far for numerous reasons.

So, what has driven me back to the blog world then?  Well, I thought the world needed to know that I have met the world's first, and possibly only perfect human being...

Now, as I'm sure you'll have realised already, being perfect is far from an easy feat... can any of you say you have never made a mistake in your lives?  I certainly can't make such a claim, like may of you in fact I make mistakes on a regular basis... be they large or small, significant or irrelevant... they happen.

My boss however... well he never makes any mistakes at all, yet strangely those around him seem to make more than most.

The latest example, the straw that broke the camel's back if you will, happened over the last few days.  Having received some product samples in the office while I was off, which of course he couldn't be bothered to dirty his hands sending out, he tells me that they're all for one customer.

After a couple of days of random comments being dropped every now and then about sending out said samples yesterday I organised them.  So I packed them all up nicely, and booked the courier to pick them up, a process which requires the use of said boss' credit card.

So he gave me his card to use, having asked what it was for, and I booked the collection.  The samples were sent yesterday afternoon.

So... roll on today.  It turns out half of the samples were for someone else, and while talking to my colleague the boss comes to ask me if they've shipped already, and I reply yes.  His reply?  Well, of course that would be to roll his eyes and state that "it would've been nice to know"... hang on a minute... am I alone in thinking that the fact that I asked for his credit card yesterday "to send those samples out" is a pretty big hint as to the fact that they're being sent out?

But, of course, it's far more important that everyone think he's perfect than it is to actually get things right.

Hell is other drivers

Well, here we are again... I've not had too much inspiration / motivation to blog lately, but today I need to vent my spleen.

You see, I love driving, probably not as much in the current motor as in my first car which was a bit smaller, bit lower to the ground, and felt more like it was near the limit of what it could do at any given moment, even if what you were doing was 40mph on a dual carriageway. 

There are only 2 things that put me off driving, the sorry state of the roads which is a story for another day, and other drivers.

Now, obviously there will always be other drivers on the roads, and the majority of them are just sensible road users trying to get from point A to point B without any incidents.

However, some are just brain dead knuckle dragging morons, and yet others are inconsiderate selfish aresholes.

This morning has been blighted by both of these sorts of other drivers.  Firstly, while dropping the missus off at the station there were cars queuing out of the station entrance (because heaven forbid people actually get dropped off more than 3 yards from the station entrance!!), and there was a car in front of me that went around them, and I followed it. 

Now as soon as the other car got past them it stopped, without signalling, on the double yellow lines.  Not only was this inconsiderate and illegal, but it put me in something of an awkward spot because now I had to overtake that car as well (there wasn't enough space for me to pull in behind) and there was a car coming the other way... so, with an apologetic wave of my hand to the car that was coming the other way who had to stop because I was on the wrong side of the road I went on my way.

Having deposited said missus at said station and dropped home for half an hour so as to avoid being in work ridiculously early, I set out again to make my way to work.  All was fine, other than the excessive amount of traffic, until I got to a junction where there's a petrol station.  There were 2 cars at the lights, and I hung back so as to not obstruct the entrance / exit of the petrol station (I'm just considerate like that).

All of the cars behind me stopped, a couple of cars went in and out of the petrol station.  Then the lights changed, and just as I started to pull away a car appears beside me... now I'm not sure how far back it had come from, but it was more than 2 cars behind me in the queue.  This lovely thoughtful person then proceeds to cut me up and head along the road in front of me... so really, you're going to drive along the wrong side of the road just to get ahead of a few cars... what a *expletive censored*

So yeah, driving is great, other drivers just suck.

What is the world coming to

Had a bit of a result this morning, turns out the various Tesco vouchers that I've misplaced over the last couple of years have all been kept for me by those nice folks at Tesco, and I now have £41.50 worth to spend either on Tesco groceries or Tesco direct.

Now this is a pretty good time of year to discover that you have that amount of vouchers to use, it'll cover a fair bit of the old Xmas shopping.

So I was having a browse around the Tesco Direct site, and clicked on the link for Xmas stocking fillers.

Result number 1... a £150 iPod Touch... wait... what?!

Since when is an iPod, or anything that expensive, considered to be a "stocking filler"?! 

Gimme a break, I've got £41.50 worth of vouchers, I haven't won the bloody lottery!!

She wont do a poo...

A certain co-worker, who shall remain nameless, decided to bring her dog into the office today as the boss is away.  So that's all good, I'm not the world's biggest fan of dogs, but I don't mind them.

So after said dog, a westie for anyone keeping track, has gone properly bat-sh!t crazy running around all over the place and completely knackered herself out (she is 12 or 13) she's gone and had a lay down.  At various points appearing right next to me, seeking attention.

As lunch-time nears I decided I didn't really fancy the tin of soup I'd bought in, and since I still owe said colleague a few meals (she's bought more breakfasts than I have lunches) I said I'd get us something from the snack bar around the corner.

So I phone up and order the food, and then am asked if I'd mind taking the dog out while I go around to pick up lunch.  I was... reluctant to say the least, partly because a westy is hardly the epitome of masculinity when it comes to dogs, but mainly I was thinking that if the little creature decided to empty her bowels then I would be unprepared and unwilling to deal with it.

"she wont" I was told "she might have a tinkle but that will be it"... ok, I'll take your word for it.

So away we go, stopping every 10 feet to sniff something, and every 20 feet to "mark" her territory.  We get this all the way round to the snack bar, where I pick up lunch and pay for it.  Then turn to leave.

30 yards back down the road... the dog decides she's going to take a dump.

Now how this tiny little rat of a dog can produce quite so much is beyond me, but as I stand with no bags, and a couple of onlookers she keeps going... and going... and going.

Once she's done it's time for a hasty exit, to return the wee beastie to her owner, and think about how much better cats are.

No... it's not my time!!

So, I look in the bathroom mirror and see what I thought was a spot nestling amongst my facial hair, the top of it was white.  I look closer... and it wasn't a spot, it was a white hair... and it wasn't alone.

So I've just had to pluck 3 white hairs from my beard... I shouldn't have white hairs, I'm too young... toooooo young!!!

Oh for the love of...

So, our resident accounts lady at work (who happens to be the boss' missus) wanders over and says to me "you put these three invoices on hold, and left me a note not to pay them... but I've paid them.  We need a system to stop that happening".

Silly me, I thought the system was that I put the invoices on hold and left you a note telling you not to pay them?!  I didn't realise that the system then leads onto you ignoring it, and then acting like it's anyone's fault but yours'.

But hey... that's only $6k that we've overpaid.

Grrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr!!

But you didn't... did you...?!

A couple of months ago we moved office, from a dingy little unit in a business centre to a much bigger self contained business unit which has been fitted out to the boss' requirements.

Since we moved there were a few things to sort out, one of which was the utility supplier.  Now this is all stuff for the boss to arrange, and really has nothing to do with the rest of us.

We keep getting calls from Meter Registration Service, and Commercial Power (who I believe are the same company based on some digging online).  They tell us that our meters aren't registered with a supplier, and so we'll be getting charged higher rates for utilities than we should do.

The boss is well aware of the fact that they keep calling, and has no intention of talking to them.  He said that he doesn't know who they are, or what they want.

So I thought I'd do a little research and see just who they are.  Turns out they're an energy broker, and apparently one that uses some devious methods, who represent NPower.

I made a few notes on this, and thought I'd let the boss know what's what.  So I said to him "I had a look online to see who this Meter Registration Service is", to which he responds "pfft... why bother?"... great start.  Then I said that I wanted to know who they were, and if it was anything legit, but that they were a broker "I could've told you that" he replies...

... but you didn't... did you?! 

You didn't tell me that, because you didn't know... you just sit there in your little office ignoring what's happening in the real world and thinking you know better than everyone else...

... well he's what you don't want to know... you don't know better than everyone else... you're just a small, petty little man who isn't happy unless he's lording it up over someone else.

One of these days someone, hopefully me (if I get to a point where I'm not relying on you to pay my wages), will tell you the truth.  In the mean-time I'll just sit here, cashing my pay cheque and loathing myself for putting up with your insufferable bullshit.